The Book

I am so excited to announce that I have been working on a book for girls for almost a year now. Well, let me just say that it is more like a manual/workbook that will go along with one of my workshops. I hope to print early 2010.

I cannot wait to announce the title and start marketing. I promise to keep my audience posted.

The book is coming, the book is coming.....

Stay Tuned!

Social NETworking or Social NOTworking?

Social Networking is all the buzz. From teens to stay at home moms, corporations, and political figures, everyone is doing it. Tweeting, posting on Facebook and MySpace, IM, texts, LinkedIn, and blogging. It makes me wonder what happened to picking up the phone and saying "Hello, how are you?" or writing a note to express your thoughts.

Is there such a thing as too much communication? I think that all of this NET-working causes us to have a distorted view of who our friends are and who our acquaintances are. As soon as you accept or ignore someone on Facebook, you now have an instant friend. How easy was that?

It is exhilarating, for some, to see that they have 1391 friends. Who in the world has 1391 friends? Each of these "friends" have access to your daily activities, and sometimes a minute to minute play if you choose to tweet about it.
How are these electronic relationships affecting young people? I come from a generation where it took time to determine whether someone becomes a friend. You meet, find out if you have things in common,and it takes a while to foster the relationship. I was taught that your inner circle should be sacred, and personal.

This rapid intake of information, accepting friends, posting, and tweeting everything about yourself may have a detrimental affect on the minds of children and teens. Morals, values, personalities, and habits are being formed in the teen years. Yet, teens are spending time forming relationships with people they don't really know or care about. My opinion is this just may *not* be working.

Solution- If you are 30 years old and older talk to teens about what I call the good ole days. When we called people, knocked on the neighbors door and asked if the boy/girl next door could come out and play, played board games, not video games, wrote thank you notes and Christmas cards, not e-notes and e-cards, had coffee with a friend to help her through a rough patch in her relationship, connected with a date by conversation, not by text, formed a relationship with the opposite sex by asking questions, and knowing who their friends are. The list could go on and on. I think the 80's babies know what I mean.

What goes around comes around, just look at the fashion industry. I do not believe we are doomed, and all relationships are going to be ruined by a MAC and a PC, but I do believe we have to slow things down just a little bit for the sake of the next generation. Let's bring the conversation back around.

Theatre Etiquette

Broadway Bound..

There are a lot of great shows this fall, from A Chorus Line to Shrek. Even a few of the classics like Phantom of the Opera and Lion King, are worth seeing again with new friends or an addition to the family. So, what is the appropriate protocol for seeing a Broadway show. Here are a few bullet points, please share:

• Be On Time- Nothing is more disrupting then a group of 20 waltzing to their seat, disrupting the actors and blocking your view. Most curtains rise at 8pm, and if you arrive even 5 minutes late you will not be allowed to enter. You will either have to wait for a break in the show, or stand in the back before you can get ushered to your seat. So arrive early or right on time, so you can enjoy the entire experience. Didn't you pay enough money for those tickets? I recommend dinner reservations at 5:30pm, in the theatre district. Chez Josephine's, B. Smith's, and Carmines are a few of my favs.

• You are *not* at the Movies- The highly skilled and trained Broadway actors can hear you. Save the talking, crinkling wrappers, rifling through your purse, even whispering for intermission. These actors are masters at their craft, they may perform in numerous shows a day and or week. So be courteous and respect their work.

• Turn off your Cell Phone- You would think that I would not have to even mention this, that it is understood that your phone should be off. For some, it needs to be repeated. Vibrate or Silent are not options, and let me tell you why. Some cell phones or PDA's have a vibrate option that is louder and more annoying than some ring tones. It is distracting, and inconsiderate. Silent, yes, but when you occasionally look at your phone there is a blaring light that could light up the whole theatre and that is distracting as well. Also for Blackberry users like myself, we have a blinking red light that could possibly distract your neighbor which is equally as offensive as distracting the cast. Please turn it off.

• Intermission- Most people have just had dinner so if you have the munchies please grab a light snack or drink during intermission. Key word here is light snack, most theatres have a concession stand where there are chips, cookies, and candy available. All of these snacks are usually small and bite size for a reason. Chat with your neighbor, stand, have a quick drink, text a friend about how dynamite the show is and when the lights dim once or twice find your seat and get back to theatre mode. Remember the phone..

• Make an Effort to look Nice- You don't have to don gowns and tuxedos, unless you really want to, but do your best to capture the essence of the evening and look nice. I know that the word nice means different things to different people. I will just say this, if you only look good in denim and a button down,then wear it. There really is no rule, but an effort to make the night a special one whether on a date or sharing a special time with family does require a little sprucing up. I say go all out, I know I do.

• Children- I have mixed feelings about this one. Some say children of a certain age should not attend Broadway plays because they simply do not have the attention span that adults do. I agree with that to a certain extent. I will say No to bringing babies and toddlers, but musicals can be a wonderful experience for young people. My parents have been taking me since about the tender age of 8. Of course I was well behaved and knew the proper protocol, and my memories are priceless. I recommend parents bring young people to a musical or theatre event suited for children. If they are not entertained, or simply cannot sit still, give it another few years. The experience is truly culturally rewarding.

• Please be Still- Please try to keep your heads apart. Two heads are bigger than one, be considerate of the people behind you. Also, the music at some of the shows is phenomenal, but avoid dancing in your seat or singing along. You are not at a concert.

Take advantage of living in one of the best cities in the world and do it with kindness and respect for others.

Enjoy the Show!

"I'm Sorry.... No, No, really I am"

Does an apology really mean anything if you are a repeat offender?

I have, as well as the rest of the decent people in America, been appalled by some of the recent behavior from West, Williams, and Wilson. But, those are just the few in the spotlight. Have we become a nation of boors that will disrespect, degrade, and downplay anyone for 15 minutes of fame and a spot on a reality show?
OK, so we are not going to solve the world's problems in a blog, but I think we have to rewind for a second and reinforce to young people what is important. When you make a blunder, gaffe, faux pas, mistake, whatever you want to call it, you must apologize immediately. Oops, I didn't mean it, My Bad, and Aww Man, are not acceptable. "I am Sorry" and "I Apologize" are the only two phrases that apply, as soon as humanly possible.
An email, tweet, text or voicemail will not cut it. Open your mouth and apologize, if you live too far away to apologize in person, a phone call will suffice.
I do not think anyone was impressed by some of the recent bad behavior by a select few recently. I believe that is a good sign, but we must get across to our young people that may look up to these individuals, that their behavior is not to be repeated.
When you apologize, mean it, make it sincere, and don't make it a habit. Otherwise its just two words and seven letters.

"I walk slowly, but I never walk backward" Lincoln.

BOUNDaries~

Q~Should teens be "friends" with professors and or adults in authoritative positions such as coaches, counselors, bosses, or teachers aids?
A~ *NO*

When I was in grade school, many moons ago, we treated teachers with respect. Ms. Peabody was always called Ms. Peabody, never by her first name. I respected and had a certain sense of fear of her. Fear that if I didn't cross my t's and dot my i's, sit in class focused on the lesson, speak respectfully, or had any other notion of rude behavior there was trouble. I would either get a grade that would not please myself or my parents, or even worse just wait for parent teacher night and let the walls come tumbling down. I don't know about you but parent-teacher night was no fun, if my parents came home with a report that was not up to their satisfaction, there was trouble with a capital "T"

Today, young people have lost all of their marbles it seems when it comes to teacher-student relationships, where are the boundaries? Professors are considered pals and some quickly become "facebook friends"or text buddies, emails and instant messages to teachers have abbreviations and slang, some students use playful physical contact with teachers. All of this would have been deemed inappropriate not too long ago.

Is technology to blame? Are young people even aware that their behavior is rude?
Our culture has rapidly become more informal, communication is quick and often abbreviated. We have all seen the words used, even by adults, in text messages. "How was ur day?" "IDK, how bout urs?" Since when are ur and bout words, and not everyone knows what IDK means. It is cute from tween to tween, but not to your high school teacher or coach. Another mishap on the part of teens and young people is not having a professional email address. Hottamle95, is not professional and by no means should be used to communicate with a professor. First initial last name is standard.

So, what do we do? First, I think recognizing and talking about the problem is a great start. As I mentioned earlier some teens really have no earthly clue that they are being rude or disrespectful. The boundary line seems to be crossed more often then ever before. Here are a few things that you can begin to talk to young people in your life about, and maybe even check yourself on:

1. Do not ask to 'friend' teachers, coaches, bosses, co-workers unless you get a clear message that it is acceptable. My advice is to keep your personal life, personal.
2. Please spell words in emails and written communication 'bout' 'ur' 'NE' 'IDK' are not acceptable in the workplace nor in an email to your teacher.
3. Have an appropriate email address, first name and first initial/ last name are appropriate.
4. Please do not invite your college professor to a party that you are throwing at the frat house this weekend. Even if your professor is a few years your senior.
5. Do not IM, text, email, phone, or communicate to anyone of authority after 9pm. No it is not appropriate to text your teacher at 2am to let her know you will not be in class tomorrow.

Yes, addressing adults can be tricky for young people. Remember respect and formality come first. Draw the line between your friends and authority figures, and don't let technology dominate the relationship.

Remember, when we used to raise our hands?

"better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt." Lincoln

The Art of Small Talk

What is Small Talk? Before I give you a conservative definition, I would like you to think about when you were an awkward teen and your parents used to introduce you to people. They would say " Samantha, meet Donna and Bill our new neighbors." You would force out a smile and reluctantly say "hi"
Your Parents could have melted, you had to get the lecture all the way home, even if it was just next door. It may have gone like this: "I told you when you meet someone act excited, say hello and how are you, maybe even a little small talk, like do you have any children that I can play with?"
At that age you could care less, you just wanted to get home and watch television or play video games, you know, retreat into your teen world.

So, now you are an adult and hopefully if you are one of the blessed today with a job, you need to know how to do a little small talk at the office, in the elevator, or in the conference room before the meeting starts. So, here are a few hints about small talk. For a complete workshop send me an email and we can have some "small talk" and figure out how to help you.

Small Talk- Light, informal conversation for social situations. More commonly known as chit chat. Do not let the words chit and chat fool you, they could get you a job, maybe the beginning of a new relationship (business or personal), and even a valuable contact in your profession.

So why is it important you say, well besides the examples above , small talk allows you to connect with people in a social arena, workplace, or possibly widen your business circles.
Remember to keep the conversations light and polite. Some people have been known to cross some serious boundaries when it comes to small talk. Here are three topics that are considered *rude*

1. What do you do for a living? (if you do not already know, let the other party offer that info)
   
2. Where did you buy that shirt, oh and how much did you pay for it? (no brainer, I hope)


3. Who are you are you voting for? ( yes, still inappropriate)
   

OK, so how do I improve? What do I say? Here are three topic starters and then I will let you know how to improve, its very simple.

1. You seem as if you have a very interesting career? (if you just have to know, this is how to say it)


2. Wow, that is an intriguing pin/necklace/ you have on. ( here you are complementing someones taste, not the cost or origin. Please do not ever complement someone on their clothes in business environment)


3. What about this weather? (Its the old standby, and this summer is a great topic)
   

OK, so how do you improve? One word: expand. Yes, expand your horizons, get out more, travel, visit a museum, learn a language, read the paper.

It is that simple, now practice, practice, practice. Next time you get to the board room early, go over to Jim and say "Hi there Jim, how was your weekend? Did you get a chance to see any new films?" "This summer has been the craziest in years" "I just learned a new language over the past few weeks, hopefully I can travel abroad with the company"
It may sound a bit corny, but it sure beats staring at the wall or your watch and playing the Jeopardy anthem over and over in your head while your manager takes his sweet time getting to the meeting that he scheduled.

Get Talking!

Bon Chance.

Greetings,

I trust that the summer is going well for everyone. I have just returned from Madrid, Spain! I love seeing new places and discovering new things. If you get a chance to visit , please don't forget to visit the world famous Prado Museum. A true treat for the art enthusiast. I also had a chance to fly to Palma de Mallorca for some fun on the beach. If you plan on visiting Spain and want some travel tips or advice on protocol please contact me.

I want to take a minute to welcome The National Coalition of 100 Black Women/Manhattan Chapter to the world of blogging! I am a proud member and look forward to contributing some posts. Good Luck Desiree.

Also if you get a chance to check out The Network Journal magazine, I have a series of International Business Etiquette articles which will be featured in the June, July/August, and September 2009 issues. Please have a look, or if you want to obtain copies of the articles please send me an email stephanie@swannoir.net

Enjoy the remainder of the summer and look out for the next post. The topic is going to be: Small Talk ~ What it is, how to do it, and why it is so important.