"I'm Sorry.... No, No, really I am"

Does an apology really mean anything if you are a repeat offender?

I have, as well as the rest of the decent people in America, been appalled by some of the recent behavior from West, Williams, and Wilson. But, those are just the few in the spotlight. Have we become a nation of boors that will disrespect, degrade, and downplay anyone for 15 minutes of fame and a spot on a reality show?
OK, so we are not going to solve the world's problems in a blog, but I think we have to rewind for a second and reinforce to young people what is important. When you make a blunder, gaffe, faux pas, mistake, whatever you want to call it, you must apologize immediately. Oops, I didn't mean it, My Bad, and Aww Man, are not acceptable. "I am Sorry" and "I Apologize" are the only two phrases that apply, as soon as humanly possible.
An email, tweet, text or voicemail will not cut it. Open your mouth and apologize, if you live too far away to apologize in person, a phone call will suffice.
I do not think anyone was impressed by some of the recent bad behavior by a select few recently. I believe that is a good sign, but we must get across to our young people that may look up to these individuals, that their behavior is not to be repeated.
When you apologize, mean it, make it sincere, and don't make it a habit. Otherwise its just two words and seven letters.

"I walk slowly, but I never walk backward" Lincoln.

BOUNDaries~

Q~Should teens be "friends" with professors and or adults in authoritative positions such as coaches, counselors, bosses, or teachers aids?
A~ *NO*

When I was in grade school, many moons ago, we treated teachers with respect. Ms. Peabody was always called Ms. Peabody, never by her first name. I respected and had a certain sense of fear of her. Fear that if I didn't cross my t's and dot my i's, sit in class focused on the lesson, speak respectfully, or had any other notion of rude behavior there was trouble. I would either get a grade that would not please myself or my parents, or even worse just wait for parent teacher night and let the walls come tumbling down. I don't know about you but parent-teacher night was no fun, if my parents came home with a report that was not up to their satisfaction, there was trouble with a capital "T"

Today, young people have lost all of their marbles it seems when it comes to teacher-student relationships, where are the boundaries? Professors are considered pals and some quickly become "facebook friends"or text buddies, emails and instant messages to teachers have abbreviations and slang, some students use playful physical contact with teachers. All of this would have been deemed inappropriate not too long ago.

Is technology to blame? Are young people even aware that their behavior is rude?
Our culture has rapidly become more informal, communication is quick and often abbreviated. We have all seen the words used, even by adults, in text messages. "How was ur day?" "IDK, how bout urs?" Since when are ur and bout words, and not everyone knows what IDK means. It is cute from tween to tween, but not to your high school teacher or coach. Another mishap on the part of teens and young people is not having a professional email address. Hottamle95, is not professional and by no means should be used to communicate with a professor. First initial last name is standard.

So, what do we do? First, I think recognizing and talking about the problem is a great start. As I mentioned earlier some teens really have no earthly clue that they are being rude or disrespectful. The boundary line seems to be crossed more often then ever before. Here are a few things that you can begin to talk to young people in your life about, and maybe even check yourself on:

1. Do not ask to 'friend' teachers, coaches, bosses, co-workers unless you get a clear message that it is acceptable. My advice is to keep your personal life, personal.
2. Please spell words in emails and written communication 'bout' 'ur' 'NE' 'IDK' are not acceptable in the workplace nor in an email to your teacher.
3. Have an appropriate email address, first name and first initial/ last name are appropriate.
4. Please do not invite your college professor to a party that you are throwing at the frat house this weekend. Even if your professor is a few years your senior.
5. Do not IM, text, email, phone, or communicate to anyone of authority after 9pm. No it is not appropriate to text your teacher at 2am to let her know you will not be in class tomorrow.

Yes, addressing adults can be tricky for young people. Remember respect and formality come first. Draw the line between your friends and authority figures, and don't let technology dominate the relationship.

Remember, when we used to raise our hands?

"better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt." Lincoln

The Art of Small Talk

What is Small Talk? Before I give you a conservative definition, I would like you to think about when you were an awkward teen and your parents used to introduce you to people. They would say " Samantha, meet Donna and Bill our new neighbors." You would force out a smile and reluctantly say "hi"
Your Parents could have melted, you had to get the lecture all the way home, even if it was just next door. It may have gone like this: "I told you when you meet someone act excited, say hello and how are you, maybe even a little small talk, like do you have any children that I can play with?"
At that age you could care less, you just wanted to get home and watch television or play video games, you know, retreat into your teen world.

So, now you are an adult and hopefully if you are one of the blessed today with a job, you need to know how to do a little small talk at the office, in the elevator, or in the conference room before the meeting starts. So, here are a few hints about small talk. For a complete workshop send me an email and we can have some "small talk" and figure out how to help you.

Small Talk- Light, informal conversation for social situations. More commonly known as chit chat. Do not let the words chit and chat fool you, they could get you a job, maybe the beginning of a new relationship (business or personal), and even a valuable contact in your profession.

So why is it important you say, well besides the examples above , small talk allows you to connect with people in a social arena, workplace, or possibly widen your business circles.
Remember to keep the conversations light and polite. Some people have been known to cross some serious boundaries when it comes to small talk. Here are three topics that are considered *rude*

1. What do you do for a living? (if you do not already know, let the other party offer that info)
   
2. Where did you buy that shirt, oh and how much did you pay for it? (no brainer, I hope)


3. Who are you are you voting for? ( yes, still inappropriate)
   

OK, so how do I improve? What do I say? Here are three topic starters and then I will let you know how to improve, its very simple.

1. You seem as if you have a very interesting career? (if you just have to know, this is how to say it)


2. Wow, that is an intriguing pin/necklace/ you have on. ( here you are complementing someones taste, not the cost or origin. Please do not ever complement someone on their clothes in business environment)


3. What about this weather? (Its the old standby, and this summer is a great topic)
   

OK, so how do you improve? One word: expand. Yes, expand your horizons, get out more, travel, visit a museum, learn a language, read the paper.

It is that simple, now practice, practice, practice. Next time you get to the board room early, go over to Jim and say "Hi there Jim, how was your weekend? Did you get a chance to see any new films?" "This summer has been the craziest in years" "I just learned a new language over the past few weeks, hopefully I can travel abroad with the company"
It may sound a bit corny, but it sure beats staring at the wall or your watch and playing the Jeopardy anthem over and over in your head while your manager takes his sweet time getting to the meeting that he scheduled.

Get Talking!

Bon Chance.

Greetings,

I trust that the summer is going well for everyone. I have just returned from Madrid, Spain! I love seeing new places and discovering new things. If you get a chance to visit , please don't forget to visit the world famous Prado Museum. A true treat for the art enthusiast. I also had a chance to fly to Palma de Mallorca for some fun on the beach. If you plan on visiting Spain and want some travel tips or advice on protocol please contact me.

I want to take a minute to welcome The National Coalition of 100 Black Women/Manhattan Chapter to the world of blogging! I am a proud member and look forward to contributing some posts. Good Luck Desiree.

Also if you get a chance to check out The Network Journal magazine, I have a series of International Business Etiquette articles which will be featured in the June, July/August, and September 2009 issues. Please have a look, or if you want to obtain copies of the articles please send me an email stephanie@swannoir.net

Enjoy the remainder of the summer and look out for the next post. The topic is going to be: Small Talk ~ What it is, how to do it, and why it is so important.

R.I.P Michael Jackson

Fyi from Swan Noir

Hi All,

A quick post to let you know about a *great* book. When I am not reading books, teaching, and building workshops about etiquette and civility, I like to pick up one of my favorite inspirational books called "when GOD winks" by SQuire Rushnell. This small book is about what some people call coincidences.
Mr. Rushnell likes to call them GOD winks, which he defines as: a personal siganl or message directly from GOD. Think for a minute about the word coincidence. The root of the word coincidence is co~in~cide. To coincide means to correspond or agree "exactly", so why do people dismiss coincidences as 'matter of fact' if the root of the word means something quite different? (that was a rhetorical question)

Pick up the book and be inspired and uplifted, great for the nightstand.

Enjoy!

Spa Etiquette

Spa Week has ended here in NYC, and yes I did get a chance to attend a spa day at the Townhouse Spa in Manhattan. Dasani water sponsored a free spa day! Yes, free. Chilli from the group TLC made an appearance. She is the new spokesperson for Dasani water, encouraging women to drink plenty of water to maintain that healthy glow as well as a healthy body. It was a great day, I walked out with a fancy pedicure, waxed brows, and the best part was the relaxing massage . A few friends asked me to write a blog about spa etiquette as spa week wrapped up last week, but I was so busy enjoying myself that it almost slipped my mind. So here it is, take notes!

Arrive Early- 15 minutes is enough, and let me share with you why so you can really do your best to follow this important piece of advice. The point is to be relaxed for your visit, so get there early to check in at the front desk. I say go for the early appointment, before noon is my recommendation. Check in and you will be assigned a locker. Most upscale spas have a fab locker room with showers, saunas, steam rooms, vanity mirrors, and lots of products. Remove your jewelry, and don your robe. Remember leave the cell phone... key word is relax, right? OK, so now time to explore, take a quick steamy shower, sit in the steam room and have some "me" time. If you want more "me" time, a half hour early may be your best bet. Float into the waiting area, have a light snack and some water or tea. You may have a consultation form to fill out before you begin your service, be honest about allergies and medications or any other personal information. Next thing you know, someone is calling for you. It's time...

*fyi* If you are running late, call and let someone know. They may have to make another appointment for you, or just fit you in later that day. Warning- some spas do charge you for a missed appointment.

What to wear under the robe- The age old question and concern. Your masseuse will prefer your birthday suit, but you may prefer to leave your under garments on. Some spas have disposable undergarments available which may be a better option because you will be slathered with oils and cremes which may soil your precious pieces. Most likely, your masseuse has seen all body types, shapes, and sizes. Enjoy your experience, get your money's worth. Your birthday suit is your best bet..

Male or Female?- My answer is to try both. Please don't rely on your friend's experience to make your decision. The final decision is yours and a personal one. I would suggest that if you prefer a female, say so at the time you make your appointment. Making demands the day of your appointment, well let's just say it lacks tact. Especially if you are late...

Small Talk- I have chatted away the entire time. I have also been quiet as a mouse and at times fallen asleep saying only "hello" and "thank you". It is perfectly acceptable to say that you prefer not to chat and it is perfectly acceptable to talk during your entire service. There may also be music playing, if you prefer no music or need the volume adjusted, simply say so. Remember, this is about you.

Relax, don't get up right away- There is no rush when your service is finished, take your time getting up from the massage table. Take a few deep breaths, stretch, get dressed slowly. Visit the lounge for some tea, or water. Take it all in, enjoy. Especially if you are stepping back into the streets of NYC..

Tipping- Protocol is 15 to 20 percent. The tip is left when checking out. You can either add it to your credit card or leave cash in a tiny manila envelope which the spa will provide. Please do not try to slip a 20 in the hands of your masseuse on your way out with a wink and a pat on the back. Remember the part about tact..

Bon Chance!