The Book

I am so excited to announce that I have been working on a book for girls for almost a year now. Well, let me just say that it is more like a manual/workbook that will go along with one of my workshops. I hope to print early 2010.

I cannot wait to announce the title and start marketing. I promise to keep my audience posted.

The book is coming, the book is coming.....

Stay Tuned!

Social NETworking or Social NOTworking?

Social Networking is all the buzz. From teens to stay at home moms, corporations, and political figures, everyone is doing it. Tweeting, posting on Facebook and MySpace, IM, texts, LinkedIn, and blogging. It makes me wonder what happened to picking up the phone and saying "Hello, how are you?" or writing a note to express your thoughts.

Is there such a thing as too much communication? I think that all of this NET-working causes us to have a distorted view of who our friends are and who our acquaintances are. As soon as you accept or ignore someone on Facebook, you now have an instant friend. How easy was that?

It is exhilarating, for some, to see that they have 1391 friends. Who in the world has 1391 friends? Each of these "friends" have access to your daily activities, and sometimes a minute to minute play if you choose to tweet about it.
How are these electronic relationships affecting young people? I come from a generation where it took time to determine whether someone becomes a friend. You meet, find out if you have things in common,and it takes a while to foster the relationship. I was taught that your inner circle should be sacred, and personal.

This rapid intake of information, accepting friends, posting, and tweeting everything about yourself may have a detrimental affect on the minds of children and teens. Morals, values, personalities, and habits are being formed in the teen years. Yet, teens are spending time forming relationships with people they don't really know or care about. My opinion is this just may *not* be working.

Solution- If you are 30 years old and older talk to teens about what I call the good ole days. When we called people, knocked on the neighbors door and asked if the boy/girl next door could come out and play, played board games, not video games, wrote thank you notes and Christmas cards, not e-notes and e-cards, had coffee with a friend to help her through a rough patch in her relationship, connected with a date by conversation, not by text, formed a relationship with the opposite sex by asking questions, and knowing who their friends are. The list could go on and on. I think the 80's babies know what I mean.

What goes around comes around, just look at the fashion industry. I do not believe we are doomed, and all relationships are going to be ruined by a MAC and a PC, but I do believe we have to slow things down just a little bit for the sake of the next generation. Let's bring the conversation back around.

Theatre Etiquette

Broadway Bound..

There are a lot of great shows this fall, from A Chorus Line to Shrek. Even a few of the classics like Phantom of the Opera and Lion King, are worth seeing again with new friends or an addition to the family. So, what is the appropriate protocol for seeing a Broadway show. Here are a few bullet points, please share:

• Be On Time- Nothing is more disrupting then a group of 20 waltzing to their seat, disrupting the actors and blocking your view. Most curtains rise at 8pm, and if you arrive even 5 minutes late you will not be allowed to enter. You will either have to wait for a break in the show, or stand in the back before you can get ushered to your seat. So arrive early or right on time, so you can enjoy the entire experience. Didn't you pay enough money for those tickets? I recommend dinner reservations at 5:30pm, in the theatre district. Chez Josephine's, B. Smith's, and Carmines are a few of my favs.

• You are *not* at the Movies- The highly skilled and trained Broadway actors can hear you. Save the talking, crinkling wrappers, rifling through your purse, even whispering for intermission. These actors are masters at their craft, they may perform in numerous shows a day and or week. So be courteous and respect their work.

• Turn off your Cell Phone- You would think that I would not have to even mention this, that it is understood that your phone should be off. For some, it needs to be repeated. Vibrate or Silent are not options, and let me tell you why. Some cell phones or PDA's have a vibrate option that is louder and more annoying than some ring tones. It is distracting, and inconsiderate. Silent, yes, but when you occasionally look at your phone there is a blaring light that could light up the whole theatre and that is distracting as well. Also for Blackberry users like myself, we have a blinking red light that could possibly distract your neighbor which is equally as offensive as distracting the cast. Please turn it off.

• Intermission- Most people have just had dinner so if you have the munchies please grab a light snack or drink during intermission. Key word here is light snack, most theatres have a concession stand where there are chips, cookies, and candy available. All of these snacks are usually small and bite size for a reason. Chat with your neighbor, stand, have a quick drink, text a friend about how dynamite the show is and when the lights dim once or twice find your seat and get back to theatre mode. Remember the phone..

• Make an Effort to look Nice- You don't have to don gowns and tuxedos, unless you really want to, but do your best to capture the essence of the evening and look nice. I know that the word nice means different things to different people. I will just say this, if you only look good in denim and a button down,then wear it. There really is no rule, but an effort to make the night a special one whether on a date or sharing a special time with family does require a little sprucing up. I say go all out, I know I do.

• Children- I have mixed feelings about this one. Some say children of a certain age should not attend Broadway plays because they simply do not have the attention span that adults do. I agree with that to a certain extent. I will say No to bringing babies and toddlers, but musicals can be a wonderful experience for young people. My parents have been taking me since about the tender age of 8. Of course I was well behaved and knew the proper protocol, and my memories are priceless. I recommend parents bring young people to a musical or theatre event suited for children. If they are not entertained, or simply cannot sit still, give it another few years. The experience is truly culturally rewarding.

• Please be Still- Please try to keep your heads apart. Two heads are bigger than one, be considerate of the people behind you. Also, the music at some of the shows is phenomenal, but avoid dancing in your seat or singing along. You are not at a concert.

Take advantage of living in one of the best cities in the world and do it with kindness and respect for others.

Enjoy the Show!

"I'm Sorry.... No, No, really I am"

Does an apology really mean anything if you are a repeat offender?

I have, as well as the rest of the decent people in America, been appalled by some of the recent behavior from West, Williams, and Wilson. But, those are just the few in the spotlight. Have we become a nation of boors that will disrespect, degrade, and downplay anyone for 15 minutes of fame and a spot on a reality show?
OK, so we are not going to solve the world's problems in a blog, but I think we have to rewind for a second and reinforce to young people what is important. When you make a blunder, gaffe, faux pas, mistake, whatever you want to call it, you must apologize immediately. Oops, I didn't mean it, My Bad, and Aww Man, are not acceptable. "I am Sorry" and "I Apologize" are the only two phrases that apply, as soon as humanly possible.
An email, tweet, text or voicemail will not cut it. Open your mouth and apologize, if you live too far away to apologize in person, a phone call will suffice.
I do not think anyone was impressed by some of the recent bad behavior by a select few recently. I believe that is a good sign, but we must get across to our young people that may look up to these individuals, that their behavior is not to be repeated.
When you apologize, mean it, make it sincere, and don't make it a habit. Otherwise its just two words and seven letters.

"I walk slowly, but I never walk backward" Lincoln.

BOUNDaries~

Q~Should teens be "friends" with professors and or adults in authoritative positions such as coaches, counselors, bosses, or teachers aids?
A~ *NO*

When I was in grade school, many moons ago, we treated teachers with respect. Ms. Peabody was always called Ms. Peabody, never by her first name. I respected and had a certain sense of fear of her. Fear that if I didn't cross my t's and dot my i's, sit in class focused on the lesson, speak respectfully, or had any other notion of rude behavior there was trouble. I would either get a grade that would not please myself or my parents, or even worse just wait for parent teacher night and let the walls come tumbling down. I don't know about you but parent-teacher night was no fun, if my parents came home with a report that was not up to their satisfaction, there was trouble with a capital "T"

Today, young people have lost all of their marbles it seems when it comes to teacher-student relationships, where are the boundaries? Professors are considered pals and some quickly become "facebook friends"or text buddies, emails and instant messages to teachers have abbreviations and slang, some students use playful physical contact with teachers. All of this would have been deemed inappropriate not too long ago.

Is technology to blame? Are young people even aware that their behavior is rude?
Our culture has rapidly become more informal, communication is quick and often abbreviated. We have all seen the words used, even by adults, in text messages. "How was ur day?" "IDK, how bout urs?" Since when are ur and bout words, and not everyone knows what IDK means. It is cute from tween to tween, but not to your high school teacher or coach. Another mishap on the part of teens and young people is not having a professional email address. Hottamle95, is not professional and by no means should be used to communicate with a professor. First initial last name is standard.

So, what do we do? First, I think recognizing and talking about the problem is a great start. As I mentioned earlier some teens really have no earthly clue that they are being rude or disrespectful. The boundary line seems to be crossed more often then ever before. Here are a few things that you can begin to talk to young people in your life about, and maybe even check yourself on:

1. Do not ask to 'friend' teachers, coaches, bosses, co-workers unless you get a clear message that it is acceptable. My advice is to keep your personal life, personal.
2. Please spell words in emails and written communication 'bout' 'ur' 'NE' 'IDK' are not acceptable in the workplace nor in an email to your teacher.
3. Have an appropriate email address, first name and first initial/ last name are appropriate.
4. Please do not invite your college professor to a party that you are throwing at the frat house this weekend. Even if your professor is a few years your senior.
5. Do not IM, text, email, phone, or communicate to anyone of authority after 9pm. No it is not appropriate to text your teacher at 2am to let her know you will not be in class tomorrow.

Yes, addressing adults can be tricky for young people. Remember respect and formality come first. Draw the line between your friends and authority figures, and don't let technology dominate the relationship.

Remember, when we used to raise our hands?

"better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt." Lincoln

The Art of Small Talk

What is Small Talk? Before I give you a conservative definition, I would like you to think about when you were an awkward teen and your parents used to introduce you to people. They would say " Samantha, meet Donna and Bill our new neighbors." You would force out a smile and reluctantly say "hi"
Your Parents could have melted, you had to get the lecture all the way home, even if it was just next door. It may have gone like this: "I told you when you meet someone act excited, say hello and how are you, maybe even a little small talk, like do you have any children that I can play with?"
At that age you could care less, you just wanted to get home and watch television or play video games, you know, retreat into your teen world.

So, now you are an adult and hopefully if you are one of the blessed today with a job, you need to know how to do a little small talk at the office, in the elevator, or in the conference room before the meeting starts. So, here are a few hints about small talk. For a complete workshop send me an email and we can have some "small talk" and figure out how to help you.

Small Talk- Light, informal conversation for social situations. More commonly known as chit chat. Do not let the words chit and chat fool you, they could get you a job, maybe the beginning of a new relationship (business or personal), and even a valuable contact in your profession.

So why is it important you say, well besides the examples above , small talk allows you to connect with people in a social arena, workplace, or possibly widen your business circles.
Remember to keep the conversations light and polite. Some people have been known to cross some serious boundaries when it comes to small talk. Here are three topics that are considered *rude*

1. What do you do for a living? (if you do not already know, let the other party offer that info)
   
2. Where did you buy that shirt, oh and how much did you pay for it? (no brainer, I hope)


3. Who are you are you voting for? ( yes, still inappropriate)
   

OK, so how do I improve? What do I say? Here are three topic starters and then I will let you know how to improve, its very simple.

1. You seem as if you have a very interesting career? (if you just have to know, this is how to say it)


2. Wow, that is an intriguing pin/necklace/ you have on. ( here you are complementing someones taste, not the cost or origin. Please do not ever complement someone on their clothes in business environment)


3. What about this weather? (Its the old standby, and this summer is a great topic)
   

OK, so how do you improve? One word: expand. Yes, expand your horizons, get out more, travel, visit a museum, learn a language, read the paper.

It is that simple, now practice, practice, practice. Next time you get to the board room early, go over to Jim and say "Hi there Jim, how was your weekend? Did you get a chance to see any new films?" "This summer has been the craziest in years" "I just learned a new language over the past few weeks, hopefully I can travel abroad with the company"
It may sound a bit corny, but it sure beats staring at the wall or your watch and playing the Jeopardy anthem over and over in your head while your manager takes his sweet time getting to the meeting that he scheduled.

Get Talking!

Bon Chance.

Greetings,

I trust that the summer is going well for everyone. I have just returned from Madrid, Spain! I love seeing new places and discovering new things. If you get a chance to visit , please don't forget to visit the world famous Prado Museum. A true treat for the art enthusiast. I also had a chance to fly to Palma de Mallorca for some fun on the beach. If you plan on visiting Spain and want some travel tips or advice on protocol please contact me.

I want to take a minute to welcome The National Coalition of 100 Black Women/Manhattan Chapter to the world of blogging! I am a proud member and look forward to contributing some posts. Good Luck Desiree.

Also if you get a chance to check out The Network Journal magazine, I have a series of International Business Etiquette articles which will be featured in the June, July/August, and September 2009 issues. Please have a look, or if you want to obtain copies of the articles please send me an email stephanie@swannoir.net

Enjoy the remainder of the summer and look out for the next post. The topic is going to be: Small Talk ~ What it is, how to do it, and why it is so important.

R.I.P Michael Jackson

Fyi from Swan Noir

Hi All,

A quick post to let you know about a *great* book. When I am not reading books, teaching, and building workshops about etiquette and civility, I like to pick up one of my favorite inspirational books called "when GOD winks" by SQuire Rushnell. This small book is about what some people call coincidences.
Mr. Rushnell likes to call them GOD winks, which he defines as: a personal siganl or message directly from GOD. Think for a minute about the word coincidence. The root of the word coincidence is co~in~cide. To coincide means to correspond or agree "exactly", so why do people dismiss coincidences as 'matter of fact' if the root of the word means something quite different? (that was a rhetorical question)

Pick up the book and be inspired and uplifted, great for the nightstand.

Enjoy!

Spa Etiquette

Spa Week has ended here in NYC, and yes I did get a chance to attend a spa day at the Townhouse Spa in Manhattan. Dasani water sponsored a free spa day! Yes, free. Chilli from the group TLC made an appearance. She is the new spokesperson for Dasani water, encouraging women to drink plenty of water to maintain that healthy glow as well as a healthy body. It was a great day, I walked out with a fancy pedicure, waxed brows, and the best part was the relaxing massage . A few friends asked me to write a blog about spa etiquette as spa week wrapped up last week, but I was so busy enjoying myself that it almost slipped my mind. So here it is, take notes!

Arrive Early- 15 minutes is enough, and let me share with you why so you can really do your best to follow this important piece of advice. The point is to be relaxed for your visit, so get there early to check in at the front desk. I say go for the early appointment, before noon is my recommendation. Check in and you will be assigned a locker. Most upscale spas have a fab locker room with showers, saunas, steam rooms, vanity mirrors, and lots of products. Remove your jewelry, and don your robe. Remember leave the cell phone... key word is relax, right? OK, so now time to explore, take a quick steamy shower, sit in the steam room and have some "me" time. If you want more "me" time, a half hour early may be your best bet. Float into the waiting area, have a light snack and some water or tea. You may have a consultation form to fill out before you begin your service, be honest about allergies and medications or any other personal information. Next thing you know, someone is calling for you. It's time...

*fyi* If you are running late, call and let someone know. They may have to make another appointment for you, or just fit you in later that day. Warning- some spas do charge you for a missed appointment.

What to wear under the robe- The age old question and concern. Your masseuse will prefer your birthday suit, but you may prefer to leave your under garments on. Some spas have disposable undergarments available which may be a better option because you will be slathered with oils and cremes which may soil your precious pieces. Most likely, your masseuse has seen all body types, shapes, and sizes. Enjoy your experience, get your money's worth. Your birthday suit is your best bet..

Male or Female?- My answer is to try both. Please don't rely on your friend's experience to make your decision. The final decision is yours and a personal one. I would suggest that if you prefer a female, say so at the time you make your appointment. Making demands the day of your appointment, well let's just say it lacks tact. Especially if you are late...

Small Talk- I have chatted away the entire time. I have also been quiet as a mouse and at times fallen asleep saying only "hello" and "thank you". It is perfectly acceptable to say that you prefer not to chat and it is perfectly acceptable to talk during your entire service. There may also be music playing, if you prefer no music or need the volume adjusted, simply say so. Remember, this is about you.

Relax, don't get up right away- There is no rush when your service is finished, take your time getting up from the massage table. Take a few deep breaths, stretch, get dressed slowly. Visit the lounge for some tea, or water. Take it all in, enjoy. Especially if you are stepping back into the streets of NYC..

Tipping- Protocol is 15 to 20 percent. The tip is left when checking out. You can either add it to your credit card or leave cash in a tiny manila envelope which the spa will provide. Please do not try to slip a 20 in the hands of your masseuse on your way out with a wink and a pat on the back. Remember the part about tact..

Bon Chance!

Museum Protocol

April 1, 2009 I attended a reception at the Studio Museum of Harlem. The reception was an opportunity for members to see the new spring collection. The Studio Museum of Harlem is located at 144 W. 125th Street in Manhattan. The museum's mission is:
“The Studio Museum in Harlem is the nexus for black artists locally, nationally, and internationally, and for work that has been inspired by black culture. It is a site for the dynamic exchange of ideas about art and society.”

There was an eclectic group of artists,students, supporters, and members like myself. So, is there certain protocol that museum visitors should follow? The answer is *yes* Take note of the following and share it with a friend or date the next time you are visiting a museum.

• Don't Touch- You will most likely see a small sign posted to the left, right, below, or above the painting or piece of art work that states~ DON'T TOUCH~ and yes, it could possibly be in CAPS. We all know what CAPS mean right? If not, please see my post from (3-8-09). Please adhere to this sign, no matter how tempting it is to touch some of the beautiful pieces of art work on display at museums. There are a few good reasons for not touching. One reason is our fingers and palms have natural oils and they can over time wear down and change the look of a painting or sculpture. Respect the work of the artist and please don't touch.
• Stand Back- Unless you are the *only* person in the museum, step back and admire art work from a distance. Be careful not to block anyone else's view.
• Don't Lecture- Your visit should be a peaceful and pleasant experience. A museum is not a lecture hall or a pulpit. If you happen to know everything about Rembrandt, Monet, and Picasso well keep it to yourself. Share it with your friends at dinner, or over coffee after your museum visit.
• Avoid Chatter- Nobody wants to know what you are doing after you leave the museum, or what your plans are for summer vacation in the South of France. Keep chatter to a minimum and save it for the walk or ride home.
• "That's Art?, I could have done that."- Admire, appreciate, or not. Definitely keep your opinions to yourself. If you don't like it.. move on.

http://www.studiomuseum.org/

Bon Chance!

Sisters Empowering Sisters Conference

Syracuse University

March 21, 2009

Nicole Jones- Founder and Director of Image Initiative

Bevy Smith- Keynote Speaker

Stephanie Hunt-Founder and Director Swan Noir

Swan Noir was honored to be a part of Image Initiative's Sisters Empowering Sisters Conference at the campus of Syracuse University this month.

For more information about Image Initiative visit:

http://imageinitiative.org/

Bully Rehab

According to the CDC 160,000 kids stay home from school each day because of the bullies in their school. Children and teens are teased and physically abused daily by bullies, and most wind up transferring to another school because they just can't take it.
Here is a great story that I watched on ABC Nightly News this past Sunday about what one principal has done about the bullying in his school.
He sent a survey to all the students and asked for the names of all the bullies in the school. When he received the names, he gathered all the "bullies" together in a classroom, not to punish them,but to find out why they were bullying?
This group of bullies usually have problems at home, problem with forming relationships, they are lashing out at other children because there is something wrong in their world. He even puts them on a reward system and monitors their bullying behavior. Well, guess what? It worked, there is now less bullying and disruptive behavior at that particular school.
The teens that left the middle school have returned and even the bullies are doing better.
What a tremendous effort by that principal. Wish I had his name..........

Is your Teen Sexting?!

Facebook, MySpace,IM, Texting, Chat Rooms, You Tube, Google, I certainly did not have any of these outlets of communication when I was growing up. I am sure there are parents out there that are just as overwhelmed by the search engines, Internet sites, and cell phone technology that consume our children.
Well, parents now we have a new problem and its called"Sexting." Sexting, in case you haven't heard, is sending naked or partially naked pictures by cell phone. 20% of teens have admitted to sexting, and there are harsh consequences.
Two thirteen, yes thirteen year old boys are facing some serious consequences for sexting pictures while in the classroom. When teachers witness this behavior they are required to call the police. Your teen could face child pornography charges, and may be forced to register as a sex offender. These laws may seem extreme, but these are the laws.
Use the news and the headlines to have an important conversation with your teens about sexting. Let them know that the consequences are harsh and can change your child's lives forever. The authorities are taking these cases very seriously and in my opinion they are looking to make some examples out the teens participating in texting naked pictures. Don't let your teen be the "example" Talk about it *now*

Here are some sites that help parents have conversations with your teens about Internet and cell phone safety~ http://bnetsavvy.org/wp/ & http://www.netsmartz.org/index.aspx

Bon Chance!

3 Seconds to make a Positive Impression

You walk into the interviewer's office. You are immediately sized up, judged, and evaluated in approximately 3 seconds. No, not fair,but true. So, what can you do to make sure that your initial "exterior" impression is a good one.
Let's start from top to bottom~

HAIR- Ladies: Your hair should be shoulder length or shorter in order to convey a positive professional image. Wear hair pulled back away from the eyes. Consider a neat bun or ponytail if you have longer hair. Men: Splurge on a chic haircut and avoid hair that covers your ears. Your facial hair should be neatly shaven, preferably beardless. Keep your brows neat and trimmed.

FACE- Ladies: Less equals more. Unless you are a Broadway actress, keep the makeup to a minimum. Breeze by the Saks counter and get some good advice on what looks good on you. Keep it subtle. Men: A clean shaven face, again no beards.

ACCESSORIES- Ladies: Earrings should be studs or pearls,no bigger than a dime. One bracelet and a conservative watch. Men: Fine quality cuff links, and a watch.

HYGIENE- The general rule for Ladies and Gentlemen is no perfume or cologne. Do not take the chance that the interviewer suffers from allergies or will be overwhelmed by your fragrance. Ladies be mindful of scented lotions as well. Nails neat and manicured. Teeth, pearly white and fresh breath. Breath spray or a breath mint. Absolutely no gum.

CLOTHING- Ladies: A conservative dark colored suit. If it is a skirt suit, hemline should be at or just above the knee. Hosiery should be new, no runs or snags. You may want to pack an extra pair in your purse, just in case. Stay away from trendy colors or fashions straight from the runway. Unless you are looking for a job in the fashion industry, remain conservative. Add a classic silk scarf or pin if you want a little flair. Men: A dark colored tailored suit. French cuffs for your cuff links, a quality leather belt, and a eye-catching silk tie.

SHOES- This may be the most important part of the whole package. Shoes speak volumes, good shoes say that you care about yourself and your appearance. Ladies: Stilettos have no business in the corporate world. Your pumps should look polished and new, the heels should not be worn. If your budget doesn't allow you to own styles by Chanel and Jimmy Choo, get to know your shoemaker. Men: Laced up shoes are the the most conservative. Save the slip ons, or shoes with tassels for after you are hired. Socks should be knee length and in good condition, so if you do cross your legs, no skin or hair is exposed.

Now you are prepared to make that 3 Second Positive First Impression. A quote from Abe Lincoln says it all. "Give me six hours to chop down a tree, and I will spend the first four sharpening the axe."

Bon Chance!

People Skills

The Job Chase- Many of us have heard that term over the past few months, and If I was a gambler I would bet that we all know someone, or of someone, who has been laid off recently.

Yes, these are tough times. So, how are you going to stand out amongst the thousands of people searching and interviewing for jobs daily. What is going to give you that competitive edge? I can tell you exactly what. Your "people" skills. People skills or Soft Skills are what make up your personality, that warm smiling face, your ability to hold a conversation or engage in small talk, and your genuine grace and charm. That is about 85 percent of what interviewers, recruiters, headhunters, managers, CEO's, Principals, etc. are looking for. I know we are not all perfect little angels, happy about everything all the time, so don't come across phony or plastic. Be yourself!

About 15 percent of the "package" represent your technical skills. Your higher degree, your certificates, accomplishments, etc. Do not take this the wrong way. I do believe your MBA matters, trust me, I know you payed a pretty penny for it! The bottom line is you could have all the credentials needed for the job, but if you have a horrible personality or the personality of a tree trunk then... I think you know what I am getting at.

In this very difficult time we are all going through right now please watch your manners, your please and thank yous, and your smile! They are watching.

Advice: The next Job Fair that you go to let your personality truly shine. Smile, make eye contact, give a firm handshake, and practice small talk with a recruiter. Then go right in and sell yourself, get that JOB..
Remember, soft skills first and then use that technical brain of yours!

Bon Chance!

Email Etiquette

To all my corporate geniuses I want you to pay careful attention to the following. I want you to read this post and commit it to memory the next time you are writing an email at work. There should be a course alone on email etiquette, and If someone is reading this and is interested please contact me as soon as possible. Yes, that was meant to sound "stern", I hope it worked.
Here are a few tips when writing your next email at work, and some of these tips can be applied to your social emails as well:

The first thing on the list which I feel is the most important is Tone. Ever heard, "It's all in the way you say it." Well, in this case, its all in the way you write it. The tone of your email should be professional, yet friendly. Avoid sounding arrogant, and bossy. For instance, I am changing careers, which many of us are doing at this very moment in this volatile economy. I am going to send an email to co-workers letting them know what my new contact information is and where my new career path will be taking me. I want to keep it short and simple, yet professional and friendly. Try this: To My Co-Workers at ABC Bank, In the next few weeks, I will be leaving ABC Bank to start my own business. I have had many great experiences with all of you and will cherish the relationships built here. Please keep in touch and you can follow my new career on my new blog. Find my new contact information below. All the best to each and everyone. Best Regards, Susie Teller.
Susie's attitude comes across as gracious and her tone is friendly. Stay away from a "dictator tone" Something like this: I will be leaving ABC Bank, make sure you have my new information. See below.
There was no greeting, the tone was bossy and definitely arrogant, and no salutation. If you are not sure that you come off this way, send your email to a friend to edit. Preferably someone who really knows you and can give you constructive criticism. Your tone is like your invisible body language, you are instantly judged by others, so watch it. And yes, watch it was meant to sound like your Mother said it to you, with that side eye.

The next tip is the use of CAPS. PLEASE DO NOT SEND AN EMAIL IN ALL CAPS. When you use all uppercase letters it is considered cyber shouting. I know that what you have to say is important, and you may need a response immediately. If you shout at me, how quickly or efficiently will I do what you need me to do? The same applies to email, it is rude and not necessary. Even if you have a wonderful announcement about a new employee that is doing a great job, consider italics or color. This usually works for me: Dear Peter, I hope that you are having a pleasant morning, at least a lot more pleasant than mine. I am in need of the ABC financial report *immediately* If you need some assistance please let me know and I can send Charles over to your office this afternoon. Thank you for your dedication to ABC Bank. Sincerely, Bob Banker. I can sense Bob's need for that report and I will now do my best to get the job done, and he even offered assistance. I would much rather put my time and energy into working for Bob, then a boss or co-worker who has just CYBER SHOUTED to me, wouldn't you?

Next tip, mind your Greetings and Sign-offs. Remember to say hello, how is your day going?, how is your ill sister? Make a brief connection, especially with people you are really not that familiar with. You don't have to tell me your family's history or how Aunt May is really hating the new nursing home. A few words of kindness, goes a long way. When ending an email, watch your sign-off. "Best" is lazy, two more words are not going to hurt. All the Best, Best Regards, Best to you, Wish you the Best, Have a great day, Keep up the great work, Nice seeing you. Practice good greetings and sign-offs in your email, always be gracious even if it hurts.

Respect people's time, less is more. If you just want to know what time you are meeting the group for lunch, write it in the subject line and end it with (EOM). EOM is an acronym for "end of message". The recipient won't have to open the email, and his/her time is respected. I would only use this with others that know the meaning. Discuss it with your friends over lunch and adapt it in your office, as a way to be considerate and thoughtful of your co-workers. This is a great tip for the millions of Blackberry users.
Example: Tasha, please meet me in the park for lunch at 1pm. (EOM)

I could continue, there is so much to say when it comes to email etiquette. I know that people do a lot more "skimming" these days, so I will stop here. Etiquette is about making others feel comfortable. Practice these tips and remember to proof-read and send it to a friend if you aren't sure about your tone. Bon Chance! Feel free to contact me at stephanie@swannoir.net if you have further questions or concerns.

The Aftermath- Where is the self-esteem?

First, I would like to say that the following is just my personal opinion. I have never met Chris Brown or Rhianna(Robin Fenty).
I cannot comment on what happened the night of the alleged pummeling of Pop Icon Rhianna's face. I cannot comment on the choice they have made to "work" on their relationship. I can say that I really do not care about their personal decisions whether to be a couple or not.
So, what do I want to talk about? Where is the self-esteem? What happened to just walking away? Our girls need to know that love does not equal abuse, and it never will.
Unfortunately, these two entertainers were looked up to, and that is another one of my issues. Why are these ,or should I say certain celebrities, so idolized? So, if it is ok for this "star" to allegedly hit his girlfriend and she is not pressing charges and working on the relationship, then it is ok for ME. No, it is not. Where are YOUR family values and morals?
Let's get back to the OLD school, when parents parented their girls and boys. We didn't allow celebrities and athletes to raise our children. No MORE passive parenting.
Communicate with your teens and tell them how despicable some of the behavior is we see from these teen "idols". When these teens and some adults make the headlines, make that the time when you sit your children down and say "NO way, this will not be you." Explain why, and what you expect from them. Repetition and Consistency is the best way to teach children. Be the best parent you can be now, plant those seeds and the reward will be bittersweet.
Bon Chance!

Try This...

The more you smile, the more positive reactions you will have from people. This is a scientific fact, and I am spreading the word. Try this the next time you are in public, smile at a complete stranger and see what happens. I can guarantee you they will smile back, a smile directly influences people's attitudes and how they will respond to you. Something interesting about women, and this may be why the experiment may be easier for my female friends: Women smile 87 percent of the time in social situations and Men 67 percent of the time. So, yes our men need a little nudge, or should I say smile! Bon Chance!

Thank you

Thank you to my new followers, I appreciate you. Here is a comment from my friend Garia:

Good Morning All, To be honest I don't think it is the young people that failed, but the older generation that failed us. I am from the midwest where we would get "popped" in our mouths if we didn't say yes sir, yes maam,or if we addressed our aunts and uncles by their first name only.When we moved to California people laughed at us when we addressed them appropriately. The common quote would be, " I am not that old."All this to say, those same people are wondering what happen to our youth? Steve Harvey said on Oprah, "Chivalry is not dead its just not required." Same thing goes for manners its just not required anymore. But this why we have people like Stephanie !lol -G-

Etiquette, Manners, Protocol,

Mind your manners, know the proper etiquette for a formal dinner, and what is the protocol in the White House?
Why is this important to teach to young people? I have a quote, again to share how I really feel about how important it is for young people to know these important "soft" skills.
" Living is easy with eyes closed, misunderstanding all you see." -John Lennon.
That just says it all for me. When you open your eyes to something new, travel, a way of life, a new word, or just learning, it is a beautiful thing.
I really enjoy what I do.

5 dollars....

I was just thinking as I am getting ready to veg on the couch, what did I witness today? I tend to observe people's manners and body language, especially fun in the airport. As I was thinking about others and deciding what to blog about, I said what about me? I had a great experience today when I gave an honest compliment to someone about the services that I received from their hotel, it is funny to see people tense up when you ask to speak to a manager. They automatically think that you are going to fire off complaint after complaint, expecting or demanding something free. Well, this time I had something good to say, and you should have seen their eyes brighten and people began to gravitate towards this good energy. Amazing how that works huh? Well, as I finished complimenting my experience at this particular hotel, I said "Thank you and have a good day, off to get a cup of coffee." The manger says "Wait just a minute, let me give you something." He hands me a voucher for 5 WHOLE DOLLARS, now in this economy that is like GOLD... 5 Dollars? wow, I was beaming..
I tell you this not at all to toot my own horn or brag that I received a free cup of coffee and a muffin from one of the most "popular" coffee places that we know of. (no hints, not getting royalties) I tell you this to say "A little Civility and a compliment and smile go a LONG way, try it."


Goodnight!

Character

Abe Lincoln has many great quotes, one that I use when talking to young people about etiquette and protocol is: " Character is like a tree and reputation is its shadow. The shadow is what we think of it; the tree is the real thing."
Technology is evolving rapidly and our young people have little or no boundaries when it comes to what the guidelines are when texting, posting profiles, email, Ipods, cell phones, laptops....etc
What happened to manners, common courtesies, and the "golden rule"? Where or where did our young people go a stray?